Eventually
by Remi Keagan
Summary: A secret from Janeway’s past surfaces, will she come to terms with it or will she let it destroy her.
1. Chapter 1

Eventually

**By Remi**

_Disclaimer:_ _Star Trek: Voyager™©_ and related properties are Registered Trademarks of CBS Studios. No copyright infringement intended.

_Author Note: I know I bent Cannon a bit, but hey the show's writers did the same thing._

Summary: A secret from Janeway's past surfaces, will she come to terms with it or will she let it destroy her.

* * * * * *

The sun was slowly rising over the crop filled fields of Bloomington bathing the countryside in the warm orange-pink radiance of its rays. The aroma of maple syrup and bacon wafted up from the kitchen alerting Kathryn that the rest of the household was starting their day. She stretched and sighed before throwing the covers off rising to meet the day. She stood at the window attempting to rub the stiffness and lack of sleep from her neck. The morning sun filtering in through the window warmed Kathryn's skin as she surveyed the view out her bedroom window. She needed coffee and now to jump-start her into motion since she was due at her weekly therapy session this morning.

At the end of the debriefings Kathryn and Starfleet had come to the mutual decision that she would take a one-year leave of absence. At first Kathryn had been livid when the Admiralty had told her that they would not give her another command until a counselor cleared her for duty, but after sleeping on it for a night, or rather not sleeping, she came to understand their thinking. She had been on duty for almost seven years without any major leave time. The unrelenting pressure of getting Voyager back to the Alpha Quadrant along with the losses and guilt associated with their situation had taken their toll on her. She couldn't help but recognize the need to step back and recoup now that she had brought Voyager and its crew home.

Kathryn pulled on her robe, and headed to the kitchen for coffee. As Kathryn descended the stairs she could hear her mother talking. "You didn't wake her did you?" she heard Gretchen ask.

"She awake" the little girl answered.

"Yes, you already told me that sweetie, but did you wake her up?" Kathryn heard Gretchen quizzing her three-year-old granddaughter as she quietly stood by the kitchen doorway.

"I do Gammy!" the little girl answered as the reached for the spoon Gretchen was holding.

"Okay Elle, but we need to add the eggs first." Her Grandmother instructed.

Kathryn stood discreetly outside the doorway watching her mother and Elle cooking. It reminded her of when she and Phoebe were younger and how they would stand on the same stool while their mother lovingly taught them how to cook. A hand on her shoulder brought her out of her musing. "They make quite a pair, don't they?" Kathryn turned and looked at her stepfather. Gretchen had met Trenton Hayden several years ago after Kathryn had finished Command School and Gretchen had returned to teaching part-time at Indiana University were Trent was a tenured professor. When Voyager had started receiving letters from home Kathryn had learned that Trent had supported her mother's belief that she was still alive. Her mother wrote with so much warmth and fondness about Trent that it was no surprise to Kathryn when she learned that her mother and Trent had married 6 months after receiving the news that she was alive in the Delta Quadrant.

Kathryn looked up at her stepfather and smiled. "Yes they do."

"Aunt Kate look!" Kathryn and Trent turned and looked at Elle. "I'm making pancakes!" She stated grinning from ear to ear.

Trent walked over to Gretchen and gave her a kiss on the cheek, as Kathryn walked up to the counter. "That's good because Grandpa and I are hungry." She told Elle.

"I've just brewed a fresh pot of coffee, would you like me to get you some Katie?"

"No thanks mom, I can get it myself." Kathryn walked over to the pot of coffee and poured herself a cup. "Where's Phoebe?"

"She had an early meeting with her manager. So Elle has been helping me make breakfast." Elle was Phoebe's daughter.

Kathryn turned to look at her niece and smiled. "And doing a very fine job at it too." She stated then placed her hand on top of Elle's head and slightly mussed her hair causing the girl to giggle.

"Breakfast is almost ready. You have just enough time to run upstairs and change Kathryn." Her mother commanded.

"Yes Ma'am." Kathryn said with a salute, causing Elle to giggle again. "You want to come with me squirt before the Admiral here puts you to work setting the table? Elle nodded her head, and Kathryn scooped her up and carried her out of the room.

Gretchen rolled her eyes. "Don't encourage her Kathryn." She declared.

"I am not, Admiral." Kathryn called back from the stairway causing Elle to laugh more.

"Ooooh that girl." Gretchen huffed out causing Trent to chuckle.

"Admit it sweetheart you wouldn't have her any other way."

Gretchen smiled at her husband, "You're right. Now help me set the table."

* * * * * *

Phoebe walked into the living room and saw Gretchen sitting on the couch grading papers. "Hi Mom."

Gretchen looked up from her work. "Hi, you're back early."

Phoebe noticed the slightly concerned look in her mother's eyes as she looked passed Phoebe towards the entryway before setting her work down on the low table. "The meeting didn't take as long with Chaz as I thought. Where's Elle?" Phoebe asked while taking a seat next to her mother.

"Taking a nap."

"Is Katie back from her appointment with Doctor Hartwell?"

Gretchen got a concerned look on her face. "No she isn't. I thought you were her just now."

Phoebe patted her mother on the knee. "Don't look so worried mom, Katie has come a long way in the five months since she came home, she probably decided to go shopping, you know how we Janeway woman love our retail therapy."

Gretchen chuckled and shook her head. "True."

Phoebe stood up from the couch. "Well, I am going to take advantage of the fact Elle is actually taking a nap and go down to the pond to do some sketching."

Gretchen picked up her pile of papers. "I'll let you know when Elle is up."

* * * * * *

Kathryn was sitting with her legs stretched out in front of her on the small dock letting the late afternoon sun soak it's warmth into her. She had come straight to the pond to reflect on her session with Doctor Hartwell. They had started the session with Kathryn telling Hartwell about how seeing her mother and Elle in the kitchen this morning had reminded her of doing the same thing with her mother when she was that age. From there the whole session was about children and how Kathryn felt the opportunity for a family had passed her by. She told Hartwell that she was content in the role of Elle's Aunt and Miral's Godmother, but Hartwell was good at her job and wouldn't let Kathryn avoid the subject until Kathryn admitted all of her feelings on the subject.

Kathryn heard a twig snap behind her and turned to see Phoebe walking towards her with a sketchbook in hand. She leaned back on her elbows and waited for Phoebe to approach. Once Phoebe was settled next to her, Kathryn opened her eyes and looked at her. "Hi."

"Rough session with Hartwell?"

"Eye opening is more like it."

"I'm willing to listen if you want to talk about it."

Kathryn shook her head. "I'm all talked out, thanks."

"Well it must still be bothering you if you're out here hiding."

Kathryn quickly sat up. "I'm not hiding."

Phoebe raised an eyebrow at the sister's protest.

"Okay fine, I am." Kathryn stated with a bit of defeat.

"So what did you talked about with Hartwell that you couldn't face mom afterwards?" Phoebe pushed.

Kathryn leaned back on her hands, "When did you become a Betaziod?"

"We grew up together Katie, when have we not known what the other is thinking and feeling?"

Kathryn sighed and leaned her head against Phoebe's shoulder. "Point taken."

"So…" Phoebe urged.

"Children, and my lack there of." Kathryn whispered the last part.

"That explains it."

Kathryn gave Phoebe a questioning look.

"You started thinking about Chakotay, and that's why you've been out here so long." Phoebe stated matter-of-fact.

An unexpected sadness washed over Kathryn. Chakotay, Kathryn had fleetingly clung to the idea that she and Chakotay would come together once they reached home and pick up the relationship that had grown between them. She had been sitting here thinking how she had been desperately living in denial by believing that he still might loved her or have some feelings for her, but that had come to a crashing halt after what she had done.

Phoebe's hand on her shoulder brought Kathryn back to the present. "I know that something happened between the two of you when you suddenly stopped mentioning him in your letters, and I've never pushed you about it."

"Phoebe, I-" Phoebe held her hand up stopping Kathryn.

"I know you're not ready to tell me yet because the hurt is still so fresh." Kathryn gave her a single nod. "I just want you to realize that he's not gone, he's just on Trebus with his sister."

"Oh Phoebe I feel like such a heel-"

"Don't!" Phoebe interrupted. "Look Katie I came to terms with Kirby's death a long time ago." Phoebe had been involved with Kirby for two years before he died in the Breen attack during the Dominion War. Phoebe found out she was pregnant with Elle three months later. "All I'm saying is that there is still hope for you and Chakotay to work things out, but that won't happen until you talk to him. Have you tried contacting him?"

"No," she whispered.

"You'll never come to any type of resolution until you do."

Kathryn sighed and shook her head. "Still dumping buckets of ice water over me, I see."

"Yeah, it's page 43 of the annoying little sister's handbook"

*** * * * * ***

A week later Kathryn came home from Doctor Hartwell's office to find her cousin Shannon sitting having coffee with her mother, Shannon Callahan was Aunt Martha's youngest daughter and a year younger then Kathryn. Shannon had come to seek her Aunt Gretchen's help in shopping for a dress to wear for Martha's up coming fund raiser. Kathryn was surprised to see them sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee, she thought they would have been gone most of the day shopping. Kathryn walked over to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. "I take it the dress shopping was successful?"

"No it wasn't." Her mother answered.

Kathryn took a seat at the table. "I can't believe you didn't find a single dress."

"Not that my mother would approve of." Shannon groaned.

Kathryn looked at her mother. "Seriously," she mouthed to her mother and Gretchen nodded. Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Well you're welcome to see if there's anything in my closet."

Shannon suddenly sat up from her slumped position causing Kathryn to jump at the sudden movement spilling her coffee on the table. "Oh Katie I could kiss you, Mother thinks so highly of you I can't go wrong wearing something of yours to her social event."

Kathryn chuckled as she stood up to get a towel to clean up the spilled coffee. "I wouldn't say that until you've seen my wardrobe, it's seven years out of date. Why don't you head up to my room and start looking and I'll be up in second." Shannon nodded and headed up the stairs as Kathryn started mopping up the spilled coffee, "I see Aunt Martha hasn't changed while I was gone."

"Not it the least." Her mother retorted. "We went to 5 stores before Shannon became so flustered that I brought her back here. I was hoping you wouldn't mind going with us."

"In need or re-enforcements, huh?"

"Something like that." Her mother smiled.

"Well I can always tell Shannon what I found out about her name sake to help ward off her mother."

"Don't you dare," came Gretchen's warning reply. Kathryn had written to Gretchen recounting the whole story about Shannon O'Donnell Janeway and Gretchen had sworn Kathryn to silence.

Kathryn kissed her mother on the top of the head. "Don't worry my lips are sealed." Kathryn laughed as she tossed the towel into the sink and headed up stairs to help Shannon.

*** * * * * ***

Shannon stood in front of Kathryn's bedroom mirror smoothing down the front of the dress she had on. It was a rich burgundy sleeveless with an asymmetrical neckline and Shannon thought it was perfect for the party. Shannon turned this way and that admiring the way the dress looked when she caught Kathryn entering the room out of the corner of her eye. "Oh Katie it's perfect," she said turning to face Kathryn.

"Take it off." Kathryn said in a deadly quiet voice.

Shannon saw Kathryn standing completely still in the door way her face deathly pale. "Katie?" Shannon stated taking a step towards her.

"Take. It. Off. Now," Her voice still deadly calm.

Shannon quickly unzipped the dress and slipped it off and handed it to Kathryn. "I – I don't understand what's wrong?"

Kathryn moved out of the doorway. "Leave."

Shannon was confused by Kathryn's sudden change in behavior. "Kathryn?"

"Leave. Now."

Shannon scooped her clothes off the bed and ran out of the room. As soon as she was out of the room Kathryn turned and shut the door locking it, clutching the dress to her chest she collapsing on the bed in tears.

* * * * * *

Gretchen walked up the hallway and saw Shannon frantically getting dressed outside Kathryn's door. "Shannon what's going on?"

"I'm sorry Aunt Gretchen. I didn't mean to upset her."

"What happened? Where's Katie?"

"I had one of her dresses on when she walked in and threw me out."

Gretchen started to reach for the door handle when Shannon put her hand on her arm. "She's locked it Aunt Gretchen, and I heard her crying."

Gretchen sighed, shook her head, and saw the worried look on Shannon's face. "Now don't go worrying Shannon, Katie's still finding her balance at being back home. You should have seen her reaction the first time I made dessert with para-cream sauce. You didn't do anything wrong, so don't worry okay?" Shannon hesitantly nodded her head. "I'll call you tomorrow," Gretchen patted Shannon's arm. Shannon nodded her head again and gave her Aunt a hug before silently heading down the hall to leave. Gretchen turned back to Kathryn's door and softly knocked. "Katie," She listened quietly. She could hear Kathryn's muffled crying so she knocked again. "Sweetheart, open the door." Gretchen waited patiently for Kathryn to open the door but when her plea was answered by Kathryn's continued crying she hurried down stairs to the kitchen and retrieved the key to unlock the door.

As Gretchen entered the room she found Kathryn lying across the bed on her side sobbing uncontrollably. She walked over and sat on the end of the bed leaned over and brushed Kathryn's hair away from her face causing Kathryn to turn and bury her face into the mattress. Seeing her daughter so distraught tore at Gretchen's heart. "Oh Katie, I'm here," she continued to stroke Kathryn's face. "It will be okay baby," she whispered. Kathryn just cried harder. "Please Katie try and calm down," but Kathryn just continued to cry uncontrollably. Fearing that Kathryn was going to make herself sick Gretchen started stroking her back and leaned over and just held her daughter.

* * * * * *

Trent entered the house and sat his brief case down in the hall and sat out to find Gretchen, when he didn't find her down stairs he headed up stairs. After finding their bedroom empty, Trent went down the hall to Kathryn's room. The door to Kathryn's room was open slightly so he lightly knocked before walking in. He saw Gretchen leaning over Kathryn who was lying on the bed and quietly approached them. Trent became concerned when saw that Kathryn had been crying, she was asleep now, he couldn't see Gretchen's face so he carefully reached out and shook her shoulder softly whispering her name in her ear.

Gretchen sat up and looked at Trent placing her finger to her lips at his concerned look. She carefully stood up and removed the dress that Kathryn was still holding running her hand lightly down Kathryn's arm for a moment. When she turned towards Trent her foot bumped a box on the floor that the dress was stored in. Trent reached down picked up the box and handed it to Gretchen. As Gretchen moved to the window seat to take care of the dress Trent noticed a photo on the floor where the box had been. He reached down and picked it up, when he turned it over his eyes quickly flicked to Kathryn's sleeping form then back at the photo before carefully slipping the it into his pocket. He turned and went over to Gretchen as she just finished folding the dress and placing it back into its box. "Everything okay?" he whispered as she handed him the box and pointed towards the closet. Trent put the dress box on the top shelf of Kathryn's closet and closed the door. Turning around he saw Gretchen placing a blanket she had taken out of the window seat and cover Kathryn with it. He followed Gretchen out of the room and down the hall to their bedroom down where Gretchen fell into his embrace burying her face in his chest. Trent just held Gretchen while rubbing her back. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Gretchen pulled away from him slightly, "I'm not sure exactly what happened. She sent Shannon up to see if there was anything she could borrow to wear for Martha's party, when I came up a few minutes later Katie had thrown Shannon out of her room and locked the door. I sent Shannon home and tried to get Katie to open the door, but when she didn't answer I went and got the key. I found her on the bed in tears clutching that dress. I tired to get her to talk to me but…" Gretchen sighed. "Whatever's upsetting her has to do with that dress."

"What makes you say that?" Trent asked.

"She was perfectly fine before she saw Shannon wearing it. She's been in there crying for hours until she fell asleep a half hour ago. It tore my heart out to hear her hurting like that Trent."

Trent wrapped his arms around Gretchen, "I know sweetheart, I know," and kissed her on top of the head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part II**

Chakotay stepped out onto the verandah, and looked out at the clear night sky taking a deep breath of the night air. He heard the soft foot steps of his sister, Sekaya, before he felt her arm slide through his.

"Enjoying the quiet?"

Chakotay softly chuckled, "Isn't that why you followed me out here? For the quiet?"

"Guilty," Sekaya chuckled. "You know mom made it look so easy."

"It will get easier as Micah gets older." Micah was Sekaya's two-month old son.

Sekaya rolled her eyes, "Not if he is as contrary as his Uncle Chakotay."

"Not a chance." Chakotay retorted.

"So what were you thinking about before I interrupted?"

"What makes you think I didn't just come out here to enjoy the quiet for a moment?"

Sekaya nudged him with her shoulder. "Because you've been moody ever since you got that communication from Starfleet."

Chakotay leaned over and kissed Sekaya on the top of her head. "I'm sorry." Chakotay sighed, "I have to report for duty in two weeks."

"I thought you wanted to stay in Starfleet?"

"I do, but we're finally back together as a family and I feel like I'm deserting you."

Sekaya wrapped her arms around Chakotay. "We'll miss you big brother, but it's only Earth not the Delta Quadrant. We can talk by sub-space. Plus, you can visit us when you take leave, and we will come visit you too."

Chakotay chuckled, "When did you become so wise?"

"While you weren't looking." Sekaya laughed.

"Obviously."

* * * * * *

Chakotay ran across the San Francisco grounds of the Academy towards the Officer's Mess Hall trying not to become completely soaked by the spring rain. Reaching the dry entrance of the building, Chakotay started brushing the rain droplets off the front of his uniform while heading for the mess line. He gave the dinning area a quick glance before turning towards the chow line then stopping suddenly. _'Great,'_ he thought seeing the long line of people getting their lunch. He sighed and headed towards the small bank of replicators, if he'd had known he was going to end up replicating his lunch he could have stayed in his office and skipped the impromptu shower on his way over here. Grabbing his Vegetable Stew from the replicator Chakotay started looking for an empty seat when he heard his name over the chorus of voice in the dinning area. Turning towards the sound of his name he spotted Tom Paris waving him towards his table. Reaching Tom's table Chakotay saw that Paris was not alone. As he set his tray down the woman setting with Tom stood up and smiled at him. Chakotay recognized that smile.

"Chakotay you remember Phoebe Janeway, Kathryn's sister?"

Chakotay smiled, "Yes I do." He reached out his hand and shook Phoebe's. "It's nice to see you again Ms. Janeway."

Phoebe laughed. "Please call me Phoebe, no one calls me Ms. Janeway."

Chakotay tried not to look embarrassed. "If you'll call me Chakotay?"

"Deal," Phoebe said shaking his hand firmly before they took their seats.

"So Chakotay were your ears ringing before you got here?" Tom enquired.

Chakotay looked at Tom incredulously. "What are you talking about Paris?"

"What Tom is trying so inarticulately trying to say is that he and I were just talking about you before you showed up here." Phoebe clarified.

"I see," Chakotay said giving Tom a warning look.

"No you don't Chakotay, but you will." Phoebe continued, "Kathryn's birthday is in two weeks and Tom and I are throwing her a surprise party. I was just asking Tom how to contact you to invite you when you walked in."

"She'll never see this one coming, Chakotay." Tom injected.

"Oh boy!" Chakotay stated.

Phoebe sensed the irony in Chakotay's reply. "I get the feeling you think a surprise party is a bad idea, Chakotay."

Chakotay reached up and started tugging on his ear. "Well not exactly."

'What do you mean 'not exactly', if memory serves me correctly you helped Neelix every time he tried to throw her one." Tom reminded him.

"And Kathryn figured it out every time." Chakotay countered.

Phoebe started laughing uncontrollably causing both men to look at her. "What's so funny?" Tom asked.

Phoebe stopped laughing and looked at Chakotay. "I just remembered Kathryn writing me about the first birthday that Neelix tried to throw for her and how Kathryn had inadvertently stumbled across Neelix's plan and managed to foil the surprise."

Tom gave Phoebe a confused look, "What does that have to do with our party?" he asked.

"Because, my dear Thomas, after that first attempt by Neelix my cunning big sister enlisted a spy and made a packed with said spy," Phoebe paused and turned to look at Chakotay. "Didn't she Chakotay." She stated looking him dead in the eye.

Tom looked from Chakotay to Phoebe then back to Chakotay again before his eyebrows rose in realization. "I'll be damned," he chuckled. "You were a double agent, why?"

"Simple Tom, Kathryn did the same thing for me when it was my birthday."

"So does this mean you are going to tell Kathryn about the party we're throwing for her?" Tom wondered.

"No he won't, Tom." Phoebe answered.

"Oh?" Chakotay retorted.

"I happen to all so know a certain story about a computer malfunction that-"

"Alright, alright." Chakotay interrupted. "You have my word."

"I thought I might." Phoebe chuckled.

* * * * * *

Chakotay sat staring at the view screen reading the communication over again. The communication was from Dr. Hayden head of the Anthropology Department at Indiana University requesting a meeting to discuss having Chakotay give a guest lecture for the Anthropology students on the various Delta Quadrant species.

"Hayden, Hayden, why is that name so familiar?" He asked himself out loud.

"Because Kathryn's mother's last name is now Hayden." The female voice in his office door answered.

"B'Elanna!"

Chakotay got up from his desk and greeted her with a hug. "This is a nice surprise, what brings you all the way over to the bowels of the Archeology department."

"I'd hardly call a third floor office with a window view the bowels, Chakotay." She laughed.

"Point taken. So did you get bored in that engineering lab of yours, and had to come see the exciting life of digging up ancient civilizations?"

She laughed, "Hardly, I came by to invite you to dinner tonight. Miral would like to spend some quality time with her Uncle Chakotay."

"She would huh," B'Elanna nodded her head. "What time do you want me there?" Chakotay asked.

"1830 hours."

"I'll be there."

"Good. Now what's all this about Gretchen Hayden?"

"Dr. Trenton Hayden, actually."

"Ooookayyy," She said needing more information.

"He wants to meet with me at the end of the week about giving a lecture at Indiana University."

"That sounds exciting. I'm sure you'll see Kathryn while you're there, so remember your promise to Phoebe."

"You don't have to worry about that B'Elanna. Phoebe is just as formidable as her sister, so you don't have to worry about that."

* * * * * *

Trent quietly descended the dark stairs, as he reached the landing he saw Kathryn sitting in the overstuffed chair in the living room with a book laying open in her lap as she looked out the window at the inky night. He stood in the shadows at the bottom of the stairs with his arm leaning on the banister watching her. He and Gretchen had been worried about Kathryn since the incident with the dress. He suspected that Kathryn hadn't been sleeping much the last few days, but never voiced his suspicion to his wife as not to give her more worry. He had been waiting to find a moment alone with Kathryn to talk to her, but the opportunity had yet to present itself until now. Trent pushed away from the banister and quietly approached Kathryn when he was half way to her he spoke. "Katie do you know its 3:30 in the morning?" he whispered.

Kathryn turned to look at him. "I guess I lost track of time."

Trent walked over the where she was sitting and sat on the edge of ottoman studying her for a moment. "Katie you know that your mother and I are here for you, right?"

Kathryn reached out and patted Trent's hand giving him a warm smile. "I know," she said softly.

"Your mother and I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy," she declared trying to mask her emotions.

"I see," Trent replied. "Is this where I'm supposed to take your word for it and leave you alone?"

Kathryn gave him a guilty look. "Something like that."

"I'm not that naïve Katie."

Kathryn studied him for a moment. "No, no your not." She said softly.

Trent frowned then leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. "I can see that you are unhappy about something, and keeping it locked away like this is tearing you up." Kathryn opened her mouth, but Trent held up his hand and kept talking. "I'm not asking you to confide in me. That's up to you to decided, if you do I'll sit and listen objectively and help you the best I can, but until then I won't say anything to your mother about this. Okay?"

Kathryn was touched by Trent's concern for her. "My mother is very blessed to have you in her life." Kathryn's eyes became moist as she spoke. "I see how much you love and care for her. Thank you."

Trent chuckled softly, "I care for you, Phoebe, and Elle too. You're my family."

Kathryn gave him a watery smile. "I know."

Trent took a deep breath and stood up. "Well, I've interrupted your solitude long enough. Try and get some sleep, Katie."

"Wait." Kathryn jumped up and gave Trent a hug. "Thank you."

Trent gave her a warm smile and patted Kathryn on the shoulder before heading back up stairs.

* * * * * *

Chakotay's hovercraft pulled up to the old brick building. He thanked the driver and stepped out of the vehicle taking in the view of the campus. Spring was in full bloom and it was exactly like Kathryn had described spring in Indiana to him.

"Professor Chakotay?"

Chakotay turned to find a young man who looked to be in his twenties standing behind him. "Yes, I'm Professor Chakotay."

"Hello Sir, I'm Paul Dr. Hayden's Assistant." The young man extended his hand.

Chakotay shook Paul's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you Paul."

"If you'll follow me I'll show you to Dr. Hayden's office."

The two entered the building and went down the corridor to the rear of the building. They entered a suite of offices and Paul stopped in front of the door marked Dr. Trenton Hayden, Director of Anthropology and knocked. A muffled reply of enter was heard and Paul opened the door.

Entering Dr. Hayden's office Chakotay took in the beautiful paintings and bookshelves before his eyes settled on the gentleman standing behind a very elegant oak desk. Trent Hayden was Chakotay's height, medium build with salt and pepper hair.

"Professor Chakotay, it's a pleasure to see you again." The two men shook hands.

"Thank you for the invitation, Dr. Hayden."

"Please have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?"

Chakotay took a seat. "No thank you, I'm fine Dr. Hayden," Chakotay replied.

"Please call me Trent. Dr. Hayden makes me sound old and stuffy."

"Alright."

"The University and I are very pleased you accepted our offer. The students are very excited about the lecture."

Chakotay smiled, "I'm glad to hear it, but I must admit that I'm surprised you asked me instead of Kathryn."

Trent leaned back in his chair. "Kathryn isn't the one who is teaching Anthropology and Archeology at the Academy."

Chakotay chuckled. "I see your point."

The two went on to discuss the particulars of the lecture and a half hour later they had every thing finalized. Trent sat up straight and looked at Chakotay very seriously. "Chakotay there is something I would like to discuss with you on a personal note."

Chakotay creased his brow. "Does this have to do with Kathryn?"

Trent took a deep breath and let it out. "As a matter of fact it does." Trent reached over and opened the side drawer of his desk and removed a photograph from the drawer. Trent placed it on the desktop and slid it a crossed the desk to Chakotay.

Chakotay reached out, picked up the photo, and looked at it. His eyebrows immediately rose to his forehead. "Did Kathryn give this to you?"

"No, she doesn't know that I have it. I found it on her bedroom floor." Trent cleared his throat, "If I'm not mistaken that is a Mayan Bonding Ceremony, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," Chakotay whispered as he stared at the photo of himself and Kathryn.

* * * * * *

Chakotay paced back and forth in his living room, his mind still whirling from his conversation with Trent Hayden. He walked over to the coffee table picked up the photograph that Hayden had given him and stared at it remembering the day it was taken.

_It was the evening before Kathryn was to be assimilated to save the borg in Unimatrix Zero and Chakotay had asked Kathryn to meet him on the holodeck. Kathryn had arrived right on time to find Chakotay standing at the holodeck door. He gave her a full dimpled smile when she appeared. "You look lovely, Kathryn."_

_She blushed slightly, "Thank you. You look very handsome yourself."_

_Chakotay's grin widened as he extended his arm to escort Kathryn into the holodeck. "Shall we?"_

_Kathryn took his arm, "lead the way."_

_As they entered the holodeck Kathryn was taken aback by the beautiful forest, "We're having dinner out side?"_

_Chakotay quietly chuckled, "we're not having dinner." He said cryptically. _

"_But I thought-"_

"_I only told you to meet me at the holodeck, I never said why."_

"_So what are we going to do?"_

"_Just be patient a moment longer and you'll find out," he chuckled._

_A few moments later they reached a clearing in the forest with some stone ruins. Chakotay walked into the center of the ruins and stopped. Kathryn looked around, most of the stones had vines creeping along them with the most colorful flowers on them. Kathryn noticed the fragrance they gave off as she inhaled deeply. _

"_Oh Chakotay, its lovely, where are we?"_

"_Trebus."_

_Kathryn ran her hand along one of the stones. "It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen. What kind of ruins are these?"_

_Chakotay walked up and stood beside Kathryn. "It's an ancient temple, hundreds of years old."_

"_A temple for what?" she smiled at him._

"_Eternal Bonding." Chakotay reached down and took a hold of both Kathryn's hands. "Kathryn I have loved you for so long. I no longer want a life separate from you."_

_Kathryn took a step closer to him. "Chakotay I'd hardly say we have separate lives living in such close quarters here on Voyager."_

_Chakotay took a deep breath, "Kathryn we have seen the worst of each other and the best. You and I have been through good times, bad times and some pretty awful times. I need you to know that I am very serious about us." His eyes became warm as he looked deep into her eyes. "Kathryn would you do me the honor of marrying me tonight?"_

"_Chakotay, I love you," she murmured returning his smile, "but I am due to be assimilated in the morning. Neither of us knows the future and things can change in the blink of an eye and I can't help but feel cautious."_

"_I love you Kathryn, and I'm no longer willing to sacrifice today for a tomorrow that may never happen." He leaned in and captured her lips in a hungry kiss. Her gasp of surprise was lost in the kiss as Chakotay expertly coaxed her mouth open beneath his. One of his hands moved to her shoulder, the other wrapped around the back of her neck holding her close to him while he nibbled and sucked at her lower lip. One of Kathryn's hands tangled into his thick soft hair as her other gripped his hard bicep._

_Chakotay slowly broke the kiss and pulled back looking at Kathryn's face. Her eyes were closed and tears trickled out the corners. "Kathryn," he whispered. She slowly opened her eyes, and Chakotay was lost in those beautiful blue eyes that had turned his life up side down for the last seven years. _

_Kathryn saw the depth of Chakotay's love for her in his eyes and it was like sunshine to her soul. "I knew it would be like this with you," she whispered. _

_Chakotay caressed her tear-streaked cheek. "I love you more then you know Kathryn."_

"_Chakotay," the warmth in her voice wrapped around his name. "I've wanted-" He kissed her again, as if his need could find no other voice. _

_His mouth lingering to make up for all the times he had wanted to touch her and couldn't. "I know," he whispered as his lips followed the curve of her jaw down her throat nipping lightly as he felt the pulse of her heartbeat._

_Kathryn felt the familiar tingle run through her body. She took a hold of Chakotay's head with both her hands pulling him away, and quickly looked into his eyes. "Yes." At his slightly confused look she elaborated. "I want nothing more then to marry you, so…yes."_

Chakotay shook the memory out of his head and sat down on the couch putting his head in his hands. He knew he couldn't ignore the situation any longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part III**

Kathryn walked out the back door of the house, and she spotted her mother tending to the flower garden and walked over to her. "Can I help?"

Gretchen looked up from where she was pulling weeds. "Since when do you volunteer to pull weeds, you hate gardening."

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders and then kneeled down next to her mother. "People can change you know."

"Uh huh," her mother replied skeptically.

They pulled weeds in compatible silence for a few moments until Kathryn stopped and looked out over the flower garden. "You know I want to have my own garden when I find a place."

Gretchen stopped pulling weeds and looked at her daughter. "Are Trent and I starting to get on your nerves?"

"What!" Kathryn shook her head, "No, of course not. In fact you both have been more then accommodating to me. If anything I'm sure I'm the one getting on your nerves."

"Oh pish-posh," Gretchen scolded. "Trent and I both enjoy having you around."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Mmm, that may be, but I really do need to start thinking about finding my own place."

Gretchen reached over and took a hold of Kathryn's chin. "Katie please don't move out. I just got you back and I'm not quiet ready to give you up just yet, okay?"

Kathryn gave her mother a watery smile. "Okay mom," then she hugged her.

"GRAMMY, AUNT KATIE!"

Both women looked up to see Elle running at them at full speed. When Elle reached Gretchen she wrapped her tiny arms around her neck and hugged her grandmother and then leaped into Kathryn's lap. "I want to play in the dirt too."

Kathryn laughed, "We aren't playing in the dirt sweetheart. Your Grammy and I are pulling weeds."

"I can pull weeds."

"Not wearing that pretty dress," Gretchen commented. "Why don't you come into the kitchen and help me make some lemonade." Gretchen stood up and held out her hand to Elle.

"I want to stay with Aunt Katie and pull weeds," she whined.

Phoebe approached and looked at her daughter. "Elle go with your grandmother, Aunt Katie is going inside to get cleaned up."

Elle stuck her bottom lip out and pouted as she took Gretchen's hand and followed her grandmother into the kitchen.

Kathryn looked at Phoebe as soon as Elle was out of sight. "And just why do I need to clean up?"

Phoebe gave Kathryn a huge smile. "Because dear sister as much as you are trying to ignore the fact that today is your birthday, your present is in California and it can't come to you."

Kathryn inwardly groaned. "Phoebe what have you done?"

"Kathryn I haven't _done_ anything."

"Then why are we going to California?"

Phoebe rolled her eyes, "Okay fine I can see you aren't going to let me surprise you with this so I'll just tell you. I'm taking you on a wine tasting tour in Sonoma Valley."

Kathryn stood up and hugged her sister. "Phoebe that's wonderful, we always talked about doing that. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Oh! And before I forget, you need to pack an over night bag because we are staying at Chateau Sonoma where the tour ends."

* * * * * *

Phoebe and Kathryn were at the fourth vineyard on their tour enjoying the sample of late harvest Chardonnay when Phoebe turned to Kathryn. "So I understand that Chakotay is back on Earth."

Kathryn almost choked on her wine, "That was a delicate as a shuttle crash, Phoebe."

Phoebe waved her hand dismissively. "Oh whatever, you did know he's back here right?"

Kathryn sighed, "Yes B'Elanna told me. He took a post teaching at the Academy."

"And…"

"And what?"

Phoebe rolled her eyes and sighed. "Look Katie I know you have deep feelings for him so stop trying to act like you don't. It's insulting to both of us." Phoebe closed her eyes for a second and then looked at her sister. "Look Katie I know something has been eating away at you and I haven't pushed you to talk."

"But," Kathryn prompted.

Phoebe silently laughed, "But I know from experience that you can't hide from life."

"You're right." Kathryn closed her eyes. After a few moments she opened her eyes and looked at Phoebe. "Can you keep a secret?"

"If I have too," Phoebe answered.

"I'm serious Phoebe, what I am about to tell you can not go beyond the two of us, can you do that?" Kathryn asked pointedly.

Phoebe knew that whatever Kathryn was about to tell her had to be kept in the strictest of confidence. "Yes," she answered.

Kathryn took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Chakotay and I are married." Kathryn watched as the shock registered on Phoebe's face and then be replaced by confusion, but Kathryn continued before Phoebe could speak. "It was one year and four months ago, the night before my assimilation."

Phoebe put her hand on top of Kathryn's. "What happened?" Phoebe asked softly.

"Life in the Delta Quadrant happened." Kathryn went on to explain how the first month of her married life was magical even through she wasn't the perfect patient while she recovered from her assimilation. She went on to tell Phoebe how a month later Terro's brain washing mutiny put a small strain on their relationship. "Things were looking up for us when Chakotay burned out the defector dish on my birthday," Kathryn paused and then sighed, "but then there was Quarren."

"Quarren? Wasn't that the plant that kidnapped most of the crew and brainwashed you into being slave labor for them?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes it was. It was also what destroyed my marriage to Chakotay."

Phoebe covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh Katie what happened?"

"I fell in love with another man and had an affair."

"That's why you stopped talking about him in your letters to me." Kathryn nodded her head. "But after you got your memories back the two of you talked, right?"

Kathryn closed her eyes and started telling Phoebe what happened.

_They had left orbit of Quarren three days ago and Chakotay had been helping to slowly fill in the gaps of Kathryn's memory. They had just returned to Kathryn's quarters after taking her on a tour of the ship. They were sitting on the couch when Chakotay noticed that Kathryn was picking at a seam of her uniform. "Does it still make you uncomfortable?" he asked._

_Kathryn's head shot up. "Huh?"_

"_Your uniform," he motioned to it. "You were picking at it just know like it was uncomfortable."_

_Kathryn blush, "Sorry," she folded her hands in her lap. "one moment it feels like a favor pair of socks, warm and comforting, but there are some moments it feels…"_

"_Like the weight of the world." Chakotay finished for her._

_Kathryn gave him her crooked half smile. "Exactly."_

"_Why don't you go change into something else while I replicate us some dinner?" He offered._

_Kathryn's smile got wider. "Since I remembered this morning the last time I cooked us dinner I'll take you up on that."_

_Kathryn heard Chakotay chuckled as she left the room, when she got to her closet she turned and could see Chakotay standing at the replicator. She turned back and opened her closet and started rummaging through her clothes when her eye caught the burgundy fabric. She reached in and pulled out the dress holding it out for better examination when a picture flashed before her eyes of her wearing the dress in a beautiful forest. As more pictures flashed in Kathryn's mind she leaned against the doorframe and gasped loudly as she continued to remember the last time she wore the dress._

"_Kathryn!"_

_Kathryn looked up to see Chakotay standing in the bedroom doorway looking concerned._

"_We're married?" she asked as she tried to breath through all the emotions that were flooding through her. _

"_Seven months ago." Chakotay whispered with tears in his eyes._

"_Oh my god," she faintly whispered then suddenly her eyes went wide with a look of horror. "My god…I…" she gasped for air, "with Jaffen…Oh my god…what have I done!"_

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked at Phoebe. "After I realized that I had been unfaithful to Chakotay I ran into the bathroom and threw up. By the time I came out Chakotay was gone."

"So you just avoided him?" Phoebe wondered.

"Yes. Phoebe I'd cheated on him, broke the man's heart and hated myself for it, of course I avoided him. I didn't want to hurt him any more then I already had."

Phoebe sighed as she watched her sister fight back tears. "I don't believe you." She replied a bit discussed.

Phoebe's reply shocked Kathryn. "Excuse me?"

"I can't believe you let yourself get so wrapped up in self pity that you never even attempted to apologize to the man you supposedly love."

Kathryn stared at Phoebe in shock. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Supposedly love?! Phoebe I've never loved any one the way that I love Chakotay."

Phoebe studied her sister for a few moments. "If you profess to love him so much then why did you break his heart by turning your back on him like that?"

That statement hit home with Kathryn, her sister was once again making her stand up and open her eyes to what she was doing. Kathryn took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Phoebe I know that you are trying to help, and I'm sure I hurt Chakotay by walking away, but it was the right thing to do. Chakotay will move on and be happier for it."

Phoebe gave Kathryn a small smile. "You honestly believe that, don't you?" Kathryn nodded her head.

Phoebe stood up, "Okay," she grabbed her sister by the arm. "I brought you here to celebrate your birthday not drown your sorrows, so our final destination is Chateau Sonoma for the best wine in the valley and a special dinner with your name on it."

Kathryn gave Phoebe a suspicious look, "Why do I suddenly feel like I'm being led to my last supper before meeting a firing squad?"

Phoebe laughed. "Oh Katie stop being so mellow dramatic."

* * * * * *

Kathryn finished unpacking her bag when Phoebe knocked on her door. "Come in Phoebe."

Phoebe came breezing into the room and plopped down on the bed. "So what do you think of Chateau Sonoma? Posh uh?"

Kathryn smiled at her sister. "It's absolutely beautiful, thank you Phoebe."

"Save your gratitude until after we've had dinner where you will be treated to the culinary delicacies of world renowned Chef Andrés."

"Well after some of the questionable dishes Neelix served I'm not sure if my palate will know how to react to likes of a renowned Chef." Kathryn quipped.

"Well meet me in the dinning room in forty-five minutes Katie and you'll find out."

"Perfect, that will give me time to soak in that marvelously over-sized bathtub."

"In that case make it an hour birthday girl."

* * * * * *

Kathryn walked into the quaint dinning room and over to the fireplace where Phoebe was sitting. As she sat down she gave Phoebe a funny look. "I thought you said the chef was world renowned? This place is completely empty."

Phoebe took a sip of her wine. "Chaz held a reception here after one of my shows. Trust me, the food is fabulous."

A few minutes later a waiter came to their table. "I am so sorry for the delay we are a bit short staffed here in the dinning room due to the party in the garden." Just then a roll of laughter drifted in from the French doors near the other side of the room.

Kathryn looked up at the waiter and smiled. "We understand."

The waiter smiled back at Kathryn, "Can I get you something to drink Miss."

Kathryn chuckled inwardly. It had been a while since anyone had referred to her as 'Miss'. "I'll have a Pinot Grigio, thank you." As the waiter was leaving another ripple of laughter could be heard from the French doors leading to the garden causing Kathryn to look towards the doors. When she looked back Phoebe had a twinkle in her eye. "Uh oh, I know that look Phoebe and whatever it is you can count me out."

"You don't even know what I'm thinking." Phoebe stated rather innocently.

Before Kathryn could reply a well-dressed man approached their table. "Excuse me, I'm Sam Raynard the owner, I apologize for the slow serves tonight. I would like to make it up to you if I may. I'm having a gathering in the garden and would be honored if you lovely ladies would join me."

Kathryn was the first to speak, "Thank you Mr. Raynard for your kind offer, but this dinner is a gift from my sister..."

"A gift you say. What is the occasion if I may ask?"

"The occasion is my sister's birthday, Mr. Raynard." Phoebe explained gesturing towards Kathryn.

Raynard turned to Kathryn and took her hand. "Then I insist that you and your sister join my gathering, because you see it's is also my birthday and we can celebrate together."

Phoebe could tell that Kathryn was about to turn down the invitation. "We would be honored to join you Mr. Raynard, wouldn't we Kaite?"

Kathryn gave Phoebe a look that said they would talk about this later before she turned to Raynard. "Thank you, Mr. Raynard."

As the threesome entered the garden from the French doors, Kathryn was trying to discreetly get Phoebe's attention so she didn't notice when Sam Raynard picked up a champagne flute and started tapping it with a fork to gather everyone's attention. "Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the guest of Honor." He announced.

Kathryn's headshot up towards Raynard, but before her confusion could fully register the entire crowd in the garden yelled surprise. She stood overwhelmed by the site before her. Somewhere near the back of the crowd, a voice yelled. "Happy Birthday, Captain Janeway. We love you." A wave of good-natured laughter rippled through the group. She grinned as she cast her eyes around the crowd. A sea of smiling faces looking back at her, family, friends, and former crew, all so familiar and all so loved. Phoebe leaned in and kissed Kathryn on the cheek and whispered, "I wish you could have seen the look on your face. Happy Birthday Katie." Before Kathryn could reply her mother was hugging her and wishing her a happy birthday and swept her into the crowd of guests.

* * * * *

The party had been in full swing for a while when Tom, Harry and B'Elanna stood by the bar watching Kathryn as she mingled around the talking with her guests. Harry leaned in towards the couple, "I haven't seen Chakotay. I thought you said he was coming?"

"He'll be here Harry, don't worry." B'Elanna replied.

"He'll be here if he knows what's good for him." Tom added.

"Why is that? Are you sending B'Elanna after him with her bat'leth?" Harry wondered.

Just then a strong hand gripped Harry's shoulder. "The whole angry klingon routine doesn't work on me anymore. Besides B'Elanna has more important things to due Harry."

Harry turned around to greet Chakotay. "It's good to see you Commander."

"That's Captain now Harry." B'Elanna corrected.

Chakotay grinned at the embarrassed look on Harry's face. "The promotion came with the job Harry."

Tom stepped up next to Chakotay and clapped him on the back, "So big guy did you get the Captain something better then the burned out deflector dish you gave her last year?" B'Elanna jabbed Tom in the ribs. "Ouch! What was that for? I was only asking him what he got the Captain."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes."Uumm hum."

Chakotay chuckled as he watched Tom tenderly rub his side. "Tom you should know that after all these years what I give Kathryn for her birthday is none of you business. Now if you all will excuse me I'm going to say hello to the birthday girl."

Chakotay spotted Kathryn across the garden talking with a small group. He stopped a short distance from the group and watched Kathryn as a very animated Namoi held the attention of the group. Kathryn had a large smile on her face as she listened to the young girl talk, and it warmed his heart to see Kathryn like this. He started to wondered if what he was about to do was right when Namoi had spotted him and started running towards him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part IV**

Namoi stood with her parents on each side of her telling Kathryn, Gretchen and Trent about her visit to Ktar when she suddenly spotted Chakotay. "Commander!" she shouted and took off towards him.

"Chakotay," Kathryn whispered in shock as she watched him walk towards her with a smile on his face. She took in his tall solid frame, noticed that his hair was looking a bit more gray. She looked into his eyes, but quickly looked away when she felt the familiar tingle run through her body, and silently cursed herself for not fighting those feelings better. Kathryn schooled her emotions as Chakotay came up next to her.

"Good evening everyone," Chakotay stated cheerfully, then leaned in and kissed Kathryn on the cheek. "Happy Birthday Kathryn."

Kathryn's stomach did a tiny flip-flop as his lips met her skin. "Thank You Chakotay." She turned to her mother and Trent. "Mom you remember Captain Chakotay."

"Of course I do Katie. Only he was a Commander last time we saw each other."

"Starfleet promoted me when I took a posting at the Academy, Mrs. Haden." Chakotay replied.

"Please call me Gretchen dear, and congratulations on becoming an educator."

"Thank you Gretchen." Chakotay smiled as he tugged at his ear a bit self-conscious by Gretchen's attention.

"You're teaching at the Academy?" Naomi interjected excitedly.

"Yes, Naomi." Chakotay chucked.

"Are you teaching Advanced Tactics again?" Samantha inquired.

"No." Chakotay answered.

Kathryn was looking at the ground when she gave a disgusted grunt causing Chakotay and everyone to look at her. At the sudden silence she looked up. "Starfleet is missing out on a wealth of knowledge by not offering it to you."

Chakotay gave Kathryn a smile, "Actually Kathryn, they did offer it to me, but I took the Anthropology position instead."

"Oh," she replied quietly a bit embarrassed. She became uncomfortable with the conversation, and standing so close to Chakotay wasn't helping either. She had been caught unprepared by his sudden arrival and she needed to put some space between them until she was more prepared. She went to take a drink from her glass, and noticed it was empty. "If you'll excuse me I'm going to refresh my drink." She announced to the goup.

"Let me get that for you." Chakotay offered as he reached for her glass. Kathryn blocked his move by putting her free hand on his out stretched wrist.

"Thank you for offering Chakotay, but that's not necessary." She patted his arm dismissively and she walked off towards the bar. Chakotay gave an inward sigh. His first attempt at opening the lines of communication hadn't gone as well as he'd hoped.

As the evening went on every time Chakotay tried to find a moment with Kathryn, she skillfully managed to evade him. He watched her discreetly from across the garden for a moment before turning and leaving. He was half way across the empty dinning room when someone called out, "You're not leaving, are you?" He turned to see Phoebe rushing up to him.

"As a matter of fact I am."

Phoebe approached him and grabbed his upper arms. "Wait right here I'll be right back."

"Phoebe, I-"

"Please, it's important. Promise me you won't leave until I return." She commanded.

Chakotay knew that she was up to something by the look on Phoebe's face, he'd seen the exact same look in Kathryn's eyes when she was scheming. 

"Alright." He finally conceded.

That was all Phoebe needed to hear as she headed back to the party. Chakotay took a seat at a near by empty table while he waited for Phoebe to return. It wasn't long before Phoebe came back into the room with Kathryn in tow. "Slow down Phoebe where's the fire, and what could be so important that you have to drag me …oh" Kathryn came to a sudden stop when she saw Chakotay. She started to turn to leave but Phoebe grabbed her by the arm.

"Oh no you don't, not this time." She walked Kathryn over to where Chakotay was sitting. "You're husband would like a moment of your time and you're going to give it to him." Phoebe turned on her heal and walked back out the party.

Chakotay watched as Kathryn slowly took a seat across from him. He new he needed to choose his words carefully or she would bolt. "I want you to know I didn't ask Phoebe to do this. I was leaving when she stopped me and asked me to wait here."

Kathryn's stomach twisted into a knot as the guilt she felt threatened to overwhelm her. "I believe you." She whispered.

Chakotay could tell that Kathryn was still beating herself up with guilt over their situation by the way she wouldn't meet his eyes for length of time. "I was hoping for a chance to give you this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small sachet. He placed it on the table and slid it in front of her. Chakotay watched with his heart in his throat as Kathryn slowly picked the sachet up and opened it pouring the contents into her hand. "They're Talaxian tomato seeds," he whispered.

Kathryn sat speechless staring at the seeds in her hand as tears started to burn in her eyes. She curled her fingers around the seeds as her tears spilled over onto her cheeks. Chakotay reached out and covered Kathryn's hand holding the seeds. "Don't cry Kathryn, it will be alright."

Kathryn looked into his dark brown eyes and saw his love for her reflecting back. "I'm so sorry, Chakotay. I was so stupid, and I hurt you so badly. I hurt us both. I can't -- " Kathryn stood up and ran out of the room.

"Kathryn wait!" Chakotay shouted, but before he could run after her Phoebe came into the room followed by Trent.

"What happened?" Phoebe asked.

"Where's Katie?" Trent added.

"She ran out of the room after I gave her my gift." Chakotay said running his hand through his hair.

"What did you giver that upset her so much?" Trent wondered.

"Talaxian tomato seeds." Trent gave him a bewildered look. "Long story," Chakotay replied.

"I'm sure she just went to her room upstairs, come on Chakotay." Phoebe interrupted. But when the threesome checked Kathryn's room they found it empty. "Damn it, I thought for sure she'd be in here." Phoebe said a bit perplexed.

"Don't worry about it Phoebe, I'm sure she went home to nurse her wounds." Chakotay stated.

"What makes you say that?" Trent wondered.

"Seven years of close quarters on Voyager." Chakotay replied. He turned and watched Phoebe pace. He wanted to chuckle at how much both women's mannerisms mirrored each other. "Phoebe stop pacing before you make yourself dizzy." He told her.

"I can't help it, she makes me so mad." Phoebe stopped and put her hands on her hips. This time Chakotay bit his lip to keep from laughing. "She finally has the opportunity to work things out and save your marriage and she --" Phoebe's eyes went wide as clapped her hand over her mouth and looked towards Trent.

Chakotay held his hand up. "It's alright Phoebe he already knows."

Phoebe looked at Trent, and he nodded his head. "Does mom know?" she asked.

"Do I know what?" Phoebe spun around to see her mother standing in the doorway. "And why are the three of you in Kathryn's room?"

Chakotay stepped forward, "They were just helping me look for Kathryn."

"I'm sorry Chakotay she left a few minutes ago."

"You saw her?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes dear, she's gone to Lake George to watch the sun rise with friends, and asked me to pack her belongings and take them back to the house for her."

"I'll pack her things for you mom." Phoebe offered.

"Thank you sweetheart."

As soon as Gretchen and Trent left to attend to the remaining guests Phoebe turned to Chakotay, "How did Trent know about your marriage?"

Chakotay sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his hand through his hair. "Trent accidentally found our wedding photo. And, _no_ he hasn't said a word to your mother or Kathryn about it." He looked up at Phoebe, "I suppose that Kathryn told you the whole story."

Phoebe sighed and sat down next to him. "I knew there was something going on with the two of you, but I had no idea what it was finally told me today," she gave a small pathetic chuckle, "as a matter of fact it was an hour or so before the party." Phoebe looked him dead in the eye. "She still loves you very much you know."

Chakotay's eyes went warm and soft. "I know that now, if she didn't she wouldn't have kept the seeds when she ran off."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Nothing."

"_What_?!"

"Look Phoebe if there is one thing I have learned in the last seven years with Kathryn is not to push when she feels threatened. Tonight was the first time in months that we have seen each other let alone talk."

An inconceivable look came over Phoebe, "You're not giving up are you?"

Chakotay gave her his full-dimple grin. "If there is one thing you need to know about me Phoebe is that when it comes to Kathryn I don't give up."

* * * * * *

A few days later Kathryn walked in on her mother in the middle of fixing an elaborate dinner. "My, my, whom are you pulling all the stops out for?" Kathryn asked as she started to open the lid of a pot on the cook-top.

Gretchen shooed Kathryn away from the simmering pot and replaced the lid. "Trent has a visiting Professor giving a guest lecture and I invited him here for a home cooked dinner. So why don't you make yourself useful and set the dinning room table for me."

Kathryn gave her mother a lop-sided grin, "Aye, Admiral."

Gretchen pointed the spoon she was holding at Kathryn. "That will be enough of that, I expect you to be on your best behavior tonight young lady."

Kathryn held her hands up in surrender. "Whoa, hold on a minute here. There is no way I'm sitting through a boring dinner while Trent and his colleague talk shop, so you can count me out for dinner."

Gretchen gave Kathryn a stunned look, "What do you mean boring shop talk, you've had dinner with Trent and his colleges and you've never found them boring before so what's going on here, Katie?"

Kathryn couldn't stand seeing the hurt in her mother's eyes. "I'm sorry mom, I didn't mean to come across so flippant. To be honest with you once Trent's guest realizes who I am the subject of the Delta Quadrant will be brought up and I'd rather not spend the evening answering a litany of questions about this species or that if you don't mind."

Gretchen walked over and hugged her daughter. "I'm sorry Katie."

"For what?"

"Being presumptuous with you. If you would like to join us for dinner you're welcome, if not Trent and I understand."

"Thank you mom. Will you give my apologies to Trent?"

"Of course dear."

* * * * * *

Kathryn walked into the dimly lit kitchen and placed her empty coffee cup on the counter when her mother walked into the kitchen ordering the lights to 50%. "Oh Katie! I didn't know you were down here."

"I came down to get a refill on my coffee. How was dinner?"

"Anything but boring." Gretchen took a pie out of the stasis unit and started getting plates out of the cupboard. "We're having pie and coffee in the living room, if you would like to join us."

Kathryn raised a warning eyebrow at her mother.

Gretchen ignored the look. "It's pecan, your favorite."

"No thank you mother."

Her mother stopped preparing the tray. "Katie you've been cooped up in your room all night please come and join us for pie and coffee."

"Mother…"

Gretchen held up her hand to ward off Kathryn's reply. "Katie I guarantee that you will not have to answer any questions about the Delta Quadrant."

Kathryn sighed. "You guarantee it, huh?" She said skeptically.

It was Gretchen's turn to raise her eyebrow in question. "You doubt my word."

"No, no not at all."

"Good. Now, bring the forks and napkins with you." Gretchen took the tray and walked into the living room causing Kathryn to roll her eyes.

As Kathryn approached the living room she could hear Trent and his guest laughing. Kathryn could see Trent sitting on the sofa, but her mother blocked her view of Trent's guest. As her mother leaned over to place the tray she was carrying on the low table Kathryn could see Trent's guest and came to an abrupt stop.

"Hello Kathryn." Chakotay said as he stood up.

Kathryn stood there rooted to the spot where she'd stopped looking at Chakotay. A mixture of emotions where spinning in her head. The more she tried to get a handle on her emotions the more they spun out of control, until finally she brought her hand up and placed her finger tips on her closed lips and started slowly shaking her head.

Chakotay quietly watched as Kathryn's emotions paraded across her eyes before they started to simmer with tears. As she started to turn he wasn't going to let her run away again, so he stepped forward and called out to her. "Please don't turn your back on me and our marriage again I don't want to live with you in my life anymore." he declared.

Kathryn's back went ramrod straight.

"Marriage?!" Gretchen stated with shock.

Trent stood up and grabbed Gretchen by the elbow. "Come on sweetheart let's give Katie and Chakotay some privacy shall we?"

"I'm not going any where until someone explains what is going on here." She acknowledged stubbornly.

"You're coming with me Gretchen." Trent replied sternly, "I'll explain everything in a moment." he took Gretchen firmly by the arm and started maneuvering her out of the room.

As they left the room Kathryn still had her back to Chakotay. He walked up to her and placed his hand lightly on her shoulder. "We wouldn't be in this predicament if I hadn't left your quarters that evening. I let you down then and I'm so sorry Kathryn." Kathryn's shoulders went slack and she started shaking her head.

She took a deep breath and let it out unsteadily, and there was a slight quiver in her voice as she spoke. "We've hit a wall that there is no overcoming Chakotay. You need to move on."

Chakotay slowly turned Kathryn around to look at her. "I want to work this out so we can get on with our life together."

Tears shimmered in Kathryn's eyes, "No, without me Cha--."

Chakotay held a finger up to Kathryn's lips to silence her. "This isn't the Delta Quadrant Kathryn, and you aren't the Captain of this marriage so trying to sacrifice yourself to save me isn't going to work." She started to protest, but Chakotay held his finger in place. "I love you Kathryn, you mean everything to me. I've missed you terribly these last few months. I made a vow to you to be there for the good and the bad. I know that you had no choice in what happened on Quarren. I know we can get past this."

Kathryn reached up and removed Chakotay's finger from her lips. "You're wrong Chakotay. I can't get past this."

"Damn it Kathryn when are you going to quit letting guilt control your life."

"You make it sound like I have nothing to feel guilty about." She was getting agitated and started to pace. "I was intimate with another man and I'm accountable for those actions!" she yelled back at him.

"What if the situation were reversed and it had been me that the Quarren's had kidnapped and wiped my mind and gave me false memories, would you hold me accountable for my actions?" Kathryn rolled her eyes at him. "Well would you? Because if you say yes Kathryn then you're a hypocrite because you didn't hold it against me when that Borg scum Frasier used mind control on me."

"That was different Chakotay."

"Seriously Kathryn!!" He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. You can't… sometimes I could just…" He walked right up to her and looked her in the face. "Okay we'll play this your way. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me."

Kathryn blinked a few times, straighten her shoulders and looked Chakotay dead in the eye. "I don't love you Chakotay." Kathryn's stomach heaved as she said it.

"Liar." He declared before slamming his lips onto hers kissing her soundly. She struggled at first but it didn't take long for her body to betray her and suddenly she was kissing Chakotay back with all the love that she felt for him. He yanked his mouth away making Kathryn's eyes go wide and her lips partly open in astonishment. Chakotay could feel her heartbeat against his chest.

"I didn't know if you could still… I've never stopped love you Chakotay."

He drew back a little to look at her fully. "I knew that you never stopped." Chakotay whispered.

Kathryn looked down when she felt Chakotay's erection pushing against her hip, when she looked up he gave her a full dimpled grin. Chakotay watched in delighted fascination as Kathryn's eyes lit up with an elation more intense than he had ever seen before, and then his heart sank in horrified concern as the look of elation faded to a hooded guarded expression. "Stay tonight." She said while stroking the nape of his neck with her thumb.

"I will stay tonight and every night for the rest of our lives. I promised to stay by your side Kathryn and it's a promise I've never taken lightly."

Kathryn gave him a watery smile, "I know you haven't."

* * * * * *

As soon as they entered the study and Trent let go of Gretchen's arm she rounded on him. "Okay, start explaining." She stated crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Not before you unruffled your feathers, dear." Gretchen sighed and slowly uncrossed her arms. "Thank you, now lets have a seat on the sofa, shall we?" Trent requested as he sat down. Gretchen sighed again before sitting down next to him. Trent patted her on the knee. "That's my girl. You remember the day Kathryn got upset with Shannon over the dress?"

"Yes."

"Well while you were taking care of the dress I happened to find a photo on the floor next to the bed. It was a picture of Kathryn wearing that same dress at her bonding ceremony to Chakotay. Since Kathryn hadn't said anything about it I tucked the picture in my pocket and decided to contact Chakotay about it. He confirmed that in fact he and Kathryn had married and requested that I not say anything to either of you about it or the picture until he and Kathryn were ready. So, I honored his request and discreetly put the photo back in the box with the dress."

Gretchen opened her mouth to reply, but Trent cut her off. "I know that we promised never to keep secrets from each other. I felt this was one exception you would understand, because I didn't want to spoil it for Kathryn or you when she finally told you. However in hindsight, I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry you found out the way you did."

Any anger Gretchen had dissipated as soon as she realized that Trent was trying to protect her and Kathryn. She leaned in and placed her hand on his cheek and kissed him soundly. Gretchen broke the kiss when she heard Kathryn give a shout of surprise from the living room followed by heavy footsteps running up the stairs then the sharp slamming of a bedroom door. "What in the world?"

Trent leaned in, "Potential grandchildren," he smirked taking hold of Gretchen's face and resuming their kiss.

* * * * * *

Chakotay kicked the bedroom door closed with his foot slamming it shut, and made is way over to Kathryn's bed gently laying them down in the middle of it. He lay there a few moments gazing into Kathryn's eye, his body partially covering hers. His voice was warm with emotion, "I love you, Kathryn."

Kathryn reached up and caressed his cheek. "I will never allow anything to separate us again Chakotay. I swear it." She sealed her vow with a searing kiss.

The kiss grew in intensity as Chakotay began to undress her. He slowly removed one article of her clothing at a time, as Kathryn did the same in return. Their kiss grew more passionate with each article of clothing that was removed. Chakotay slid his hand underneath Kathryn lifting her just enough to unfasten her bra before settling her back onto the bed. His fingers slowly slipped one strap away from her shoulder stroking her skin as he went, never breaking contact with her lips. After removing the other strap the same way, he gently pulled the lacey garment away from her and tossed it over his shoulder then cupped her breast with his warm hand.

Kathryn arched upward as Chakotay's hand covered her breast. A moan of pleasure escaped her as he gently squeezed, while fondling her nipple between his fingers. She needed him beyond mere want, he was apart of her and she hadn't felt complete without him for all these months. Now Kathryn wanted him as close as she could. She stroked her hands up his back stopping only when she reached the back of his neck to hold him to her as their kiss grew more passionate and deep. Chakotay's mouth tasted sweet, warm and left her wanting more. His kisses had always held a power over her even small quick ones drove Kathryn crazy for more. Moaning into his mouth, one of Kathryn's legs slowly moved up the side and over the back of Chakotay's leg only stopping when her calf came to rest on his buttock then she flexed it in an attempt to join them more closely.

Chakotay's hand left her breast and slowly stroked its way down her side to remove the only barrier left between them. When his fingertips reached the lace edge of her panties he broke their kiss. "Any sentimental value to these?"

Kathryn's brain was so flooded with passion his question didn't get through to her. "What?" she asked confused. The sound of ripping fabric was her only reply, as he continued to pull the remainder of the panties off and tossed those over his shoulder too. With the last obstacle between them gone Kathryn wrapped her leg higher around his waste and thrust her pelvis up in an attempt to relieve the ache that building.

Chakotay shifted his position settling himself in-between Kathryn's legs. He reached between them and guided himself to her opening. His penis throbbed as he rubbed its tip up and down the lips of her opening, which are swollen and slick with moisture exciting him to near eruption. He moved his ministrations to her clitoris, again stimulating her with just the tip of his organ. He stroked her until her face was flush and she started to pant.

A tight coil of pleasure was building in Kathryn and she was becoming frustrated with want as Chakotay evaded her attempts for more penetration. " Please, Chakotay. Love me."

It was like coming home again as Chakotay shifted slightly and thrust forward hard burying himself deep with in Kathryn's silky heat. He went completely still to keep from immediately coming. Kathryn arched her back in exquisite pleasure as he entered her. Her entire body surged for completion as hers hands slid down Chakotay's back and gripped his buttock. It was all the urging he needed as he began thrusting into her. She moaned in pleasure as she raised both of her legs until her knees touched the backs of his arms drawing him deeper into her. She continued to grip his butt and tug as he continued to move slowly and gently within her in an attempt to get him to increase his pace.

Chakotay felt Kathryn's inner muscles begin to tighten telling him that she was on the verge of coming, so he pulled back leaving just the tip of his penis in continuing his slow shallow strokes to keep her from orgasming. Kathryn bucked her hips and squeezed her hands in protest. When Chakotay continued his shallow thrusts Kathryn opened her eyes. Her gaze was met my Chakotay's warm smiling eyes. "Do you know how much I love you?" he whispered, the deep emotion resonating in his voice.

As Kathryn looked into the depth of his eyes she realized that she needed Chakotay and would always need him. He was apart of her soul and she didn't feel complete without him. Kathryn's eyes misted over. "I have a pretty good idea." She continued to gaze into his eyes for a few more moments before the corners of her mouth curled up into a saucy grin "Care to finish showing me just how much?" She squeezed his butt cheeks for emphasis.

Chakotay reached back and removed one of Kathryn's hands bringing it over her head holding it in place, and then he reached back and removed her other hand placing it with the other. Making sure he had a tight grip on her hands, he reared up and started pounding into her.

Kathryn moan in ecstasy at the sensation of his hard length filling and stretching her as her muscles rippled with desire. The second Chakotay felt her inner muscles ripple he began thrusting quicker. Kathryn met his unrestrained passion thrust for thrust as her arousal coiled tighter.

Chaktoay could tell that Kathryn was about to come hard by the way her back arched. With his free hand he grabbed one of her legs and lifted it above his shoulder penetrating her deeper and increased his pace.

As soon as Chakotay started thrusting into her at a maddening pace Kathryn was in heaven as the coil snapped and she came hard. "Chakotay! Oh-" The rest of her cry was consumed by Chakotay's kiss as she lost herself in her orgasm.

Chakotay came as her muscles gripped him. He moaned into her mouth, as he continued to thrust into her to keep them both coming as long as possible. Chakotay dropped his head on Kathryn's shoulder as the last pulsation of pleasure left his body. Realizing his weight was too much for Kathryn, he wrapped his arms around her and rolled them on to their side. Kathryn snuggled into his embrace and let out a deep sigh of contentment. "I've missed this so much."

"Us having mind-blowing sex?" he quipped.

Kathryn pulled her head away from his chest. "That too, but I was talking about you holding me like this." She snuggled her head back into this chest. "It makes me feel loved."

Chakotay placed a kiss on the top of Kathryn's head and hugged her. As he lay there quietly holding Kathryn in his arms he thanked the spirits for this woman he was bonded too. He looked down at Kathryn, she had her eyes closed and a look of peace on her face that Chakotay hadn't seen in what seems like a very long time. "I love you." He whispered very softly thinking she was asleep.

The corners on Kathryn's mouth turned up. "I love you more," she answered without opening her eyes causing Chakotay to softly chuckle as he started to drift off to sleep.

* * * * * *

Chakotay awoke with Kathryn's hair in his face. He was laying on his side spooned up next to Kathryn who was still sound asleep. As he brushed the soft auburn tresses out of his face he smiled as realized just how much he had missed waking up this way. He wanted to surprise Kathryn with coffee so carefully rolled away from her trying not to wake Kathryn. As he turned to retrieve his boxer shorts from the floor he stopped mid-reach when he saw a small pair of feet standing next to his boxers. He looked up seeing that the feet belonged to a young girl of about three who was starring at him.

"You snore." she giggled.

Realizing his state of undress, Chakotay secured the sheet around his waist. "So I've been told," he grinned. Before Chakotay could say anything more Phoebe came into the room.

"Katie don't tell me you for-" Phoebe came to an abrupt stop when she saw Chakotay. "Oh! Um... good morning." she managed after being caught by surprise at Chakotay's presence in Kathryn's bedroom. She quickly walked over to Elle and picked her up.

Chakotay tightened his hold on the sheet as he wondered if Kathryn's bedroom was always this busy with morning visitors, "Good Morning."

"Tell sleeping beauty that she has 10 minutes before I have to leave" Phoebe said as she turned to leave with Elle in her arms, "And there is a lock on the door for a reason," she threw over the shoulder as the closed the door.

"Is she gone?" came Kathryn's muffled reply.

"Yes." He replyed as he quickly grabbed his boxers off the floor and started to put them on when Kathryn snatched them out of his hands and tossed them back on the floor grabbed the back of his head and gave him a toe curling good morning kiss. When they came up for air Kathryn was laying across Chakotay. "Well, good morning Kathryn wife of Chakotay."

Kathryn leaned in to kiss him again when she suddenly pushed her self up away from him and started to get out of bed.

"Kathryn?"

"Just a moment, I have something I want to give you." she walked over to her dresser and opened the top drawer. She reached in and removed a small box that was attached to the back of the drawer.

Chakotay admired the view of Kathryn's naked form as she walked back to the bed and reclaimed her previous position.

After she was settled back in bed she held the box up. "I had planned on giving you this for your birthday, but..."

Chakotay took the box out of her hand and opened it. Inside was a matching pair of intricately carved gold bands. Chakotay ran his finger over the top of the lager band. "Did you design this?" The design on the bands was a combination of Chakotay's tattoo and the Celtic Triquetra knot.

"Yes," Kathryn whispered. "Do you like them?"

Chakotay took the smaller of the two rings out of the box and placed in on Kathryn's finger. "I love them almost as much as I love you." and kissed her.

Kathryn broke the kiss and took the box out of Chakotay's hand and in turn placed his wedding band on his finger never breaking eye contact as she did. "I love you with my entire soul Chakotay." and she sealed her affirmation with a passionate kiss.

When they came up for air Chakotay gave a small chuckle, "If you keep kissing me like that we'll never make it out of this bed."

"Maybe that's the point." she grinned as she started kissing her way down his chest. She had just reached his bellybutton when Phoebe came barging back into the room.

"Okay times up I ca- Oh my god!" Phoebe immediately turned her back on Kathryn and Chakotay. "I'm happy you two are working things out, but are you planning on getting out of bed? "

Kathryn locked eyes with Chakotay as she answered Phoebe, "Eventually."

fin


End file.
